THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR!!!
84I know one...
To most of us, the word Psychopath suggests a murderer of the Hannibal Lector kind, or at least a short somewhat uncomfortable stay at the Norman Bates motel.
In reality, psychopaths rarely kill. Many live normal lives. They are all around us. You may know one without even realising it! A recent UK study said 1% of the population has the characteristics of a psychopath.
Who are these people?
So what is a psychopath? A psychopath is someone who lacks the emotional thought processes that the rest of us take for granted. This means they tend to act without conscience or empathy for others. So although the psychopath may not be a violent serial killer, he or she may lie, cheat, steal, or do any number of things that wreck the lives of those around them. They simply act without caring about the consequences.
It clearly pays to recognise these people and steer clear of them, so the next question is how to spot a psychopath. Psychologists do this by interviewing the patient looking for a list of twenty characteristics. The list of traits developed by Dr Robert Hare, is shown here in a simplified form:
Vice list:
- Glib and superficial charm
- Grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
- Need for stimulation, easily bored
- Pathological lying
- Cunning and manipulative
- Lack of remorse or guilt
- Shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
- Callousness and lack of empathy
- Parasitic lifestyle
- Poor behavioural controls
- Sexual promiscuity
- Early behaviour problems
- Lack of realistic long-term goals
- Impulsivity
- Irresponsibility
- Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
- Many short-term marital relationships
- Juvenile delinquency
- Evocation of conditional release
- Criminal versatility
Full of surprises
What often surprises people is that the psychopath can appear socially at ease, and may come across as a charming intelligent individual. Remember though that lacking emotion, they have no nervousness in social situations, and have no qualms about lying. Psychologists themselves admit to being easily fooled by the stories psychopaths tell which are convincing in every detail, though rarely having a grain of truth in them.
Another surprise is that psychopaths may be arrogant, extrovert and outgoing - a far cry from the secretive serial killer in the movies. In reality though, psychopaths need to be like this to gain control of others. Because they lack emotion, they are unable to form deep personal relationships, so the only way for a psychopath to survive is by controlling people. This is why they are sometimes called 'sociopaths'.
What to do
So now you know what to look for, what should you do if you think there is a psychopath in your life? The answer is to keep away! Much research has been done suggesting that there is a genetic cause for this condition, but as yet, science has no cure. No medication or any amount of counselling can replace the emotion in someone's head if it isn't there to begin with.
If you are unlucky enough to be in a relationship with a psychopath, the outlook is not good.
Does this seem familiar?
Typically the psychopath will subtly separate you from people who may question their plans. They may intercept phone calls from your friends. They may refuse to associate with your family. If you question this, the answer will be "It's you and me against the world"
As the years go by things get worse as the psychopath's hold over you strengthens. The only people you talk to will be 'friends' he or she controls who serve to support the psychopath's story. By then, most of what you know about your partner's work, whereabouts and money will all be lies.
After a while you may realise there is something wrong but feel powerless to do anything about the situation. You will feel snared in a net and that the only thing you can do is to bury your head in the sand.
Get help.
If you find yourself in this position you must take action regain control of your own life and happiness.
You must recognise that your love won't cure your partner. Nothing you can do to change yourself will ever be enough to satisfy them. Nothing you can do or say will ever make them understand how you feel or how much they hurt you.
Get help from the family and friends you have been forced to turn your back on because they will still care for you and be able to offer objective advice. Also seek out resources for help and counselling. Some web addresses are given below.
A friend of mine who eventually decided to leave her psychopathic husband after 16 years told me - "There came a point where I couldn't take anymore lies, abuse and being controlled. It was like being in a bad dream but one day I just woke up!!"
More info:
For more information and help see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy
http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath.htm
http://www.lovefraud.com
http://www.relate.org.uk/
CommentsLoading...
Wow!!! That is my ex to a tee...we were together for 6 and half years.
At first, he was very charming, funny, outgoing, adventurous "the life of the party." He wanted to get married, buy a house and have the luxury life. However. he always came up with excuses on why it was a bad time to get married or buy a house...and for some unexplainable reason we never had the money available after spending months saving. Something would always come up...some expense, yet he would convince me that he had noble intentions.
Well, after the third time of him post-poning the wedding, putting off the house idea and losing his job for the 3rd time...I was very suspicious and I was considering on leaving him. It wasn't long after that I went to speak to him at his mothers (because apparently he was suffering from depression for hitting a dog with his tractor trailer that he needed "to fix himself") we went into his car to "discuss" what was going on with his emotional state and why he wanted time apart (because 2 days before everything was fine between us). He went from "I love you, I love you"...to "I hate you, I hate you."
The more I told him that we can work it out...the more upset he got, but he would still say "I love you, you're a good person, you are a beautiful intelligent woman, but you make me feel guilty. I know I told you before that YOU are the only who can make YOU feel guilty, but you make me feel guilty."
When I agreed that the relationship was over I ask him to drive me to my friends place...he kept telling me that I never listen and that I don't obey. At that moment I said "Well, at least I saved myself the ten dollars it would of cost me to take a cab." That's when he freaked and tried pushing me out of the car going 60mph on a busy road. Of course, at that point I got out of the car and he squealed off with the car almost running over a pedestrian.
Later I discovered an entire drug lab in our garage...and other evidence hidden in the house (including small baggies, hidden bloody tissue pieces, pay stubs, unrecognizable phone numbers - not in his handwriting)...He cleaned out my bank account and took as much as he could from me...left without even saying goodbye to my daughter who is 7 years (he even had her calling him daddy) "How naive was I...lol"
So I disconnected my phone and left no evidence on where I am living now.
It has been 2 months since our relationship ended...and he already has a new victim in his clutches. He also moved 3 blocks away from me and I am concerned. I definitely will never go back and there is absolutely no contact. But he is a little too close to me for my comfort.
My ex has not only dominated me with rediculing me but hurt my life by being a abusive alcoholic because of all his poor me stories. Our house burnt down only to discovered he gambled the money all the time previous... He would try to coax me sexually to have threesome's . Every friend I had he said we should get her over here and made me think that's how all men thought blah blah.. He tried to kill me and everytime I tried to leave rationally he threatened me and said 'just wait and see what I do to u and the kids'... I left due to police being rung and a restraining order..year out and still trying to get him to show love to his son...run
I have been in a relationship with a crazy girl for 2 years and half, at the begin was pure love, amazing sex, lots of fun,
It ended up very badly :(
After a while I realized she was quite out of mind, she was getting really upset when I was trying some how to make her understand how she was behaving, I later realized its a kind of denial, the refuse to admit what she was doing and in order to stop me from talking about, she was interrupting me continuously, changing topic, accuse me to be doing what she was actually, doing, run away, yell at me... whatever to stop me from telling a truth she didn't want me to state clerly and loud.
I used to cook, clean, do shopping, all the things that a good housewife would do.
She was so busy writing, finishing her Phd in Sociology that I took care to all although I was working.... it ended up that because of her study she was like a princess and I was the slave.
To pay for our living cost, I drained my bank account.
She convinced me to, some how, that my family was horrible and I ended up arguing with them and stopped to talk with them.
She basically mind controllod me even if I know how mind control works... I just couldn't rationally accept she was doing that to me, she basically made a dictatorship in our relation.
After all the suppor to allow her to finish her phd she basically denied having received love and support, she didn't need me any further since her father gave her all his retirement monoey , she just started to treat me as a piece of shit. I even cought her in the bed with a guy just after they fucked.
Now, after all of this I should have stopped loving her... but guess what... I just haven't yet! Although a part of me hate her a part of me can't stop loving her, can't stop missing her and stop thinking about her (after 10 months).
This is probably the worst effect of sociopath, they use you, they ruin your life, and you just can't forget them!
I hope I can help some poor people like me to realize what is going on behind the scene of what looks like a good realitionship with occasional bad fight... unfortunately I don't know what to advice about how to get out of this nightmare.
I realized over 3 years ago I didn't want to have anything to do with this woman who came back into my life....after 64k and still bleeding me I can't forget her either...no matter how hard I try at the no contact, she always comes back for more and sucks me in. I wish someone had an answer for me...well actually the answer is no contact and when we go days without contact I can feel myself coming back...then she contacts me, only for money and I cave...what is wrong with me?
i need help, im sure my partner is a sociopath
but im not 100%
he has either had just alot of badluck, or he is a sociopath.
some things he tells me are truthfull most are not.
i havent met any of his friends or family, he says his wealthy and has promised an amazing life for the both of us... 1 year later still nothing.
we argue and argue, nothing ever changes, he has stolen from me and my friends not much but still did.
he has brought me alot of things adding up in the thousands. theres alot that points to a sociopath and theres alot that doesnt.
can anyone help me with some advice or ideas to find out some truth???
my boyfriend has an inside source
My story, well, were do I start? We met 1 and half years ago. It happened very quickly, and very loving and affectionate, and now I realise all an act. I had a heart to heart with him and told him that I got hurt with my last partner, and I find it difficult to trust. He seemed very understanding. He then exploited this by blaming everything on my not trusting anyone. He took my vunrability and abused it. Also to the point of having affairs and then blaming me for not trusting him. These other women her used also to get what he wanted. Both work colegues. He got me the sack then sought to elevate his own position to then be promoted. He also had affairs with these women, and told them that I treated him badly, wormed his way, lied and used them too. The lies he told were unbelieveable, and not any normal human being would resort to this web of lies as so convuluted. He blamed me for all of this. One of the women left her job, as I guess she realised and the other fell in love with him, wouldnt let go. He tries his best to keep us all separated, but his lies are too twisted and intelligent to be real. The woman who wouldnt let go his is major problem as she is married, and now He lives in fear. He has told me He wants to sort his life out for a few weeks and get back together when the time is ready, as He feels we are both not ready. He says he wants me back, but needs time to sort things out. I am guessing that the one who has fallen in love with Him wont let go, and He has to leave his job or deal with the husband, and wants me off the scene while this happens. Leave havoc in his wake, any comments on this?
i was strung along for 5 years by a man who i thought was pretty normal. 2 years into the relationship i began to notice he had no real depth and his lack of common feelings was obvious..I kept trying to make this relationship work but no amount of care, money or time could change things...He always made me feel like i wasn't doing enough, but to all my family i was a good mom and caring partner...we ended up kinda slowly falling apart..i think in the end this sociopath brought out the worst in me..i was doing things to get revenge on him..that i have never even thought to do ever in my life..i was a real mess.. and i believe that is what happens when one partner is a crazy person. They make you feel so worthless that you in part take on some of their traits i.e.; lack of remorse, feelings etc.. It truly is sad.. and the break up is really hard for me to deal with bc i feel i gave my all in this...but truth is no matter how much you do IT IS NEVER enough and to stay with a person who is sociopathic-you are just robbin yourself of your own happiness and your life..I mean i feel like he wasted 5 years of my life and that it was all a facade...i am coping and gettin thru...but honestly i never knew a person could be so cold, callous and just a real empty soul...i believe alot of these types must end up in prison..i would hope they do ..and i know that sounds awful..but i really am scared to mingle again..for fear i attract these types..he reeked so much havoc in my life...i thought all along he had 2 kids from previous relationships but oh no i found out in the end he has ten by different women......I am dealing with this part of my life by reflecting and just knowing that he was the one with problems and that it just has to be another lesson learned for me...i choose to b e guarded from now on...he really hurt me to the core..becoming physically abusive and mentally abusing me everyday....i pray for those who are now with pschopaths...please get out while you still have your sanity and physicaal well being...YOU ONLY HAVE one life to live...and i am sad about my break up b=BUT i AM SO HAPPY to say that I AM finally living my LIFE for me and my child not someone who is REALLY SICK IN THE HEAD AND CANT BE FIXED
De Greek Level 2 Commenter 2 years ago
You have just described a woman I used to know! Wish you had taken the trouble to write this earlier :-))